We call him the Village Idiom. Teaching is not for sensitive souls.
A wise man once told me that the human brain was the most powerful tool that everybody had, but many people failed to use. “All of a sudden, the poor thing started running around the car as fast as he could. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. “What’s this for?” I asked. On the other end was an obscene phone caller. Man: It sounds scary, I don't want one. You can bring it back tomorrow.” —David Cutcher. “Look at that. One day, his soon-to-be father-in-law stopped by for a chat. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. “Apples and oranges.” —John Fries, The first thing I did when I heard our great-granddaughter was born was to text my son: “You are a great uncle!” He texted me back immediately: “Thank you. I was really getting into it when a coworker in the next trailer poked his head in. How fast were you planning on going? My granddaughter’s husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: He’d sent a message to 300 of his... What's a quiet Hawaiian laugh? I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-effective when he asked, “Who’s going to pay the therapist?” —Virginia Davies. So a man is having terrible headaches. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science.
Doctor: You must or you'll die. It’s only a baby,” he says. — I don’t know... but I remember a Coca-Cola ad from 1998, if you are interested. “Yesterday was my 18th birthday!” a customer said after walking into our convenience store. Ed: I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Let's get tumor people. Which makes no sense since my name is not Brian, While every Americans knows that America is the best country in the world.
... referee be a game warden? “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Click here for more information. “I was pumping gas when I noticed this small dog licking up a puddle of gasoline off the ground,” he said. “I wear this for Mommy so she can show Daddy when he gets home.” —James Avery. She insisted I was wrong, so I got a copy of the paper, and we went through it, eventually landing on an ad for pants from another local store. Ed: Not only is it awful, it’s awful. That man looks so old, he might be Jesus! Doctor says, "OK, we got two different kinds you can get.
So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed. The friend explained that as a diesel fitter, my dad’s responsibility would be to pick up each garment as it came off the line, look it over, and then hold it up and announce, “Yep, deez’ll fit ’er!” At least, that’s the story my dad told a thousand times. Sharon’s been in a terrible accident! When he arrived, I checked my texts. I mean... Ι appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today, that if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.
One participant complained about management’s tendency to interfere and wrote the word nitpicking. The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. Because after the first time he got tumor. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. “I finally got it!” —Susan Wall. Man: I don't want a brain transplant. “Keeping it safe for democracy.” —Lori Shandle-Fox. He replied, “I counted their legs and divided by four.” Decades later, my kids give me the same look I gave my dad every time I pull that same gag. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. “Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it.” —Patrick McSherry. But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. As the boy grew older he was angry at his lot in life and always verbally abusive to his poor parents. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?” One student raised... A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package.
It left its tracks.” I got a moan the first couple of Sundays. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon), I don’t know much but I know how to tuna can, A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. An ISIS Warrior walks into his Doctor's office with a Frog sitting on his head.
These have been going on for years –and they just keep getting worse. Thank God! Then he remembered what I’d said and confidently called out, “Acura!” —Linda Price. —Mria Murillo. —Bob McCord. Inside, there was a Genie who gives each one of them one wish, anything they want to. In fact, he said, “I’ve been washing my hands so much, I found the answers to an old eighth-grade math quiz.” —Susan Freeman. Drop what you’re doing and get right down there!”.
“Oh!” I shouted. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis. When I was 12, he took me to a Chicago White Sox game... My father liked to say, “I’m bald because a good man always comes out on top.” Dad loved to make people laugh.
I wore it confidently to an evening... Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. The poor guy sees doctor after doctor and tries every therapy from yoga to pres, The patient says, "hit me with the bad news first, doc.". But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress.
Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together.".
Search. “Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end,” I suggested. When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. My mother was browsing in a store when a saleswoman offered assistance. “Oh, relax. Thinking no one could hear me as I loaded a UPS tractor trailer, I began to whistle. Aug 10, 2018 In honor of Middle Child Day on Sunday, weve rounded up 25 tweets that capture the ups and downs of being born before and after your othernbsp ... dairyman be a cowboy? Here’s my favorite dad joke, with me as the dad: Every Sunday on the way to church, we would have to stop at a railroad crossing. He saw my phone on the couch at home and brought it with him. On the other end was an obscene phone caller. Aloha. “Is this the salon near the fire station?”... On the way to meet my husband at a restaurant, I realized that I didn’t have my phone and immediately panicked. I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. Bartender: Three dollars.
—Submitted by J. Lee, Since the coronavirus outbreak, my 47-year-old son has been washing his hands religiously. —Beverly Gross. I’m an ether bunny.’” —Lisa Ann Turay. “Now I just wish you could.” —Megs Brunner. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. The son points at his testicles and asks "Mom, is this my brain".
Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair.” A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, “Well, then you won’t need to vacuum either.” —Agnes Scharenbroch. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure.
Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my... My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. But that night, he couldn't sleep.
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